One of those nights

Sometimes it feels as though as I've successfully push away people who cares about me but it might be because there isn't any to start with and I'm starting to think it's the latter. Maybe it's the cider that's making me extra emotionally, or it might be because I think my period's going to come, or maybe for every good day/night you have, you get double the bad days/night. But it doesn't change the fact that I miss him and I hate myself for that.