Stay.

There's been too many thoughts going through my mind, all at once, lately and it's driving me insane. I have no idea what I'm feeling and it's really horrible and making me feel very empty at the same time. Sometimes I get really angry at myself, for putting myself in this situation again and feel really stupid for doing the same thing all over, when I somehow know what I should really be doing. Except I have no idea what I'm doing right now, whether this is what I want or what I can accept. All I know is I look at them and think how lucky they are to have you and that I will never be that girl who has it. It infuriates me even more when I imagine if I'm a guy, and it's girls like them that I will like and it occurs to me that I am just jealous and I hate that emotion. Being jealous, because it means you are not content with yourself and I should be. I have everything I need but all that's missing are the things I want. It doesn't help when I can't get myself to sleep, then I just lie there thinking and putting stupid ideas in my head to convince myself to do the next morning. It really doesn't help. I just wake up feeling really empty and with an even more confused mind. I wish I can just cry and cry, till I fall asleep and I'd feel better the next day but I know that's not the way this works. I just want you to stay. With me.