Summertime Sadness

I miss everything, back when I belonged.

Don't ever listen to Lana Del Rey or Adele, you will fucking cry.

It's you, it's you, it's all for you

/ Don't know what's the matter with me today, or why I've been getting so emotional every Sunday. Been crying a lot today, it's just this certain feeling of sadness that I can't explain. Maybe it's because of the realization that my future, or rather lack of it, is rather bleak at the moment. Or maybe it's because of all the people who I miss who can't come back anymore. Most days now, it just feels like I don't know anybody anymore, that maybe they've changed or I just didn't know them well enough in the first place. The fact that it might be true scares me. And I don't know, what in the world, am I doing right now.

/

Let me do this by myself. Let me find me, then I'll find you. Let me become better, stronger and wiser. Let me not be a burden to anybody. Let me be me.

When I'm gone

I am really, really, really tired of this.

7) If someone can't make the effort to be in your life - they don't deserve to be there.

What if I still want them there? What if I've already put in the effort but they still can't meet me halfway? What if I keep trying to see if they'll stay? What if there's more than one of them leaving?

Yeah, I'm tired of this, so freaking tired but somehow it doesn't stop me from feeling it.

You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone
You’re gonna miss me by my walk
You’re gonna miss me by my talk, oh
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone

At times.

Right now there's this very strong feeling that I have, that is to go back to a certain time where everything was fine. Not great, not bad, just.. fine. You might say but if you wanna change things back then, you wouldn't be who you are right now. And to that, I'll say yes that is exactly my point.

I am honestly just disgusted with myself right now. From my feelings to my thoughts to the way I behave. I have no idea who I am and who I want to be. I hate being jealous of people but that's how I feel nowadays, just wanting what they have. Then it's being disgusted with myself for not having that sense of urgency to do things that are important to me. Right after which, I'll just feel lost because it's been this way ever since graduation, stagnant as fuck.

Wake up, it's time to move on.

My 10 days stint

Meet Junior. She's a Japanese Chin who's very cat-liked, napping and stretching nonstop. A little pervertic with those big eyes which are so unbalanced. She's always poking her nose into everything and likes to follow me around to see what I'm doing. Super tamed and cute. I think I'm going to miss her more than Mango, the Yorkshire Terrier that I'm also taking care of. Mango's like the complete opposite of Junior. Super naughty, pees and shits wherever unless I bring her down in time. But still, I'm going to miss the way they both jump to lie down beside me when I'm napping at the couch. The way they pay so much attention to me no matter what I'm doing. The way they follow me around as though I'm going to do something important. The way they accompany me which makes me feel like I'm not alone.

They're leaving on the 10th and I can't wait to get my freedom back.

Word.

I’m never gonna wait
that extra twenty minutes
to text you back,
and I’m never gonna play
hard to get
when I know your life
has been hard enough already.
When we all know everyone’s life
has been hard enough already
it’s hard to watch
the game we make of love,
like everyone’s playing checkers
with their scars,
saying checkmate
whenever they get out
without a broken heart.
Just to be clear
I don’t want to get out
without a broken heart.
I intend to leave this life
so shattered
there’s gonna have to be
a thousand separate heavens
for all of my flying parts.

— Andrea Gibson

Irony.

Funny how we keep doing those things that's supposed to bring us closer yet I don't even know you.

Funny it's not even funny.