/

I think I am lost again.

Grounded

I wanted to post a huge chunk of how I feel about * but I won't because I know it's gonna be taken out of context and I am not a heartless bitch, I am just real but some other just.. love taking things out of context so I won't. Instead, I am just going to say that I am happy to find a website that lets me watch my grey's anatomy season 8 in good quality and that I am sad because he is leaving for 1 week and that I am going to miss him and that is all.

Right now

Thought catalog + lame old embarrassing me sending stupid texts + tumblr + bad case of tummy ache + a lot of bad singing + b&j all the way = the me that I am right now, this instant.

I am alright with being alone and I am embracing this freedom of having the room to myself. I am not okay but I am okay.

/ I just need to stop putting people who I think matter at such a high position in my heart because obviously, they don't feel the same. Obviously.

I was right

Everybody's leaving.

Fact

Sometimes when I wish you were still here, that's when I hate myself the most.

/ Because to me, the cruelest thing you could ever do to someone is making them love you and then yeah, manipulate their love for you and yeah. You are good.

Me

x Kitkats are my most favourite chocolate ever
x I cry when I'm physically tired
x I don't understand how people can cry when they're happy
x If I spend money on you, that's how you know that I really treat you as a friend/like you

Just some thoughts that's been going through my head these few days. I'm much better now, cause there's no way but up to go when you're low right? And meeting him helps.. so.. yeah. I'm better. I think.

Here's me rocking red lipstick, but not that obvious because I've only applied like.. a little cause well.. it's kinda too strong for my liking.

Rescue

I am so sad that I am scaring myself.

Present

I'm currently working as a part time designer at Home24 for 2 weeks. Maybe 3, if I can stand the new distance. Pioneer to Macpherson is no joke, 3 hours spent on traveling itself is not funny. It is tiring and I cried last night because my legs were hurting and thought about how unfair it is that I stay at one extreme end of Singapore instead of being at the central part. I cried because I didn't know, didn't have a single clue what I was trying to do with my life and if whether I will be just a useless bum in the future. Yes, I am this retarded everyday.

Doesn't help that my very good friend just enlisted yesterday. Let's just countdown to 2 weeks yeah?

Baked oreo brownies yesterday and Grandma was being such a funny bitch. Seriously. Can't stand her.

Me "See, new lipstick. Its red"
Grandma "Okay you can give me some of your old lipstick"
Me "You also don't wear"
Grandma "I don't have how I wear?"

My Grandma is my most most most favourite person on earth and because there's three most then you know it's true. I like to repeat things three times to prove that it's real. 

So anyways, I baked those brownies for my sister's 21st birthday party which is later on and I hope the guests enjoy them. I told my Grandma that if they don't rave about them then just say we bought them from somewhere, then she say okay, let's say they're from JB. Hahaha, what the hell..

These are the brownies, they're very thick with oreo on top. Okay, that's all the update. I am not happy with my life but I am trying to be.

No exceptions

You're just another guy I have to chase.

Second

So today I've finally chopped off my thinly layered longer than shoulder length hair and now it's finally short. And I did it all by myself. And it's the second time I've ever had short hair (not counting when I was young). And I love it.

Often.

People often forget that I have feelings too. Too much, unfortunately.

Most of the time I wish you were still here. Because then, I can fall back on you. Nobody to go out with? I could call you. Nobody to talk to? I could text you. Somebody pissed me off? I could rant to you. Then I will reflect upon myself, if I just wanted you because I'm just lonely or I needed someone then I realize, the difference is that it's you are the only one on my mind that I would turn to.

I'm lonely and I want you. But if I weren't lonely, I would still want you too.