Forget.

There's no such thing as moving on, letting on and forgetting. There's only accepting the truth and changing.

The best way not to get heartbroken is pretend you don't have a heart.

Oh dear

Aren't you old enough to figure out that sometimes.. words are just.. words?

/

Cry cry cry, you useless piece of shit, all you can do is fucking cry.

/ It's not the kind of sadness to where you cry all the time, but more of like the sadness that overwhelms your entire body, leaving your heart aching and your stomach empty. Making you feel weak and tired. And yet you can't even sleep cause the sadness is in your dreams too. It's almost a sadness you can't escape.

Breathe.

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

/ In all honestly, I'm not exaggerating.

Time.

All I need now is time, time for myself, time to forget the bad and even the good, because that's what will kill me and yeah, time to heal.

Thank you for those who are still here. You don't know how much I love you.

Better yourself.

Slowly, try to let go.
Slowly, try to move on.
Slowly.. try to make progress and be the best of you there is, be the you who can make you happy, be the you who you love the most, just be more of you. Once, you're happy with that, I'm sure somebody out there will be too.

Anyways, on a side note. I might be working at Avalon soon. I need to be stronger, tougher and meet new people.

p.s/ i love you

/

Back where I started. Great, just great.

Them.

"Expect the worst"

"Change yourself"

"Don't be stupid"

"You're not thinking straight"

Bottom line is, he's not good for me. Even though he taught me how to forgive, and say sorry to the people that I still want in my life, even though he was the one who was there when I was scared, even though he was the one who instilled courage into my life.

Despite it all, I can't be with him if the only thing that happened in this relationship is him falling out of love with me.

Life's unfair but I think I'm finally out of tears.

Erm

I'm the stupidest fuck I've ever met. Swear. Did things that I never expected myself to do and I really don't know what I'm doing and why I'm doing all this. If it's in the name of love then I guess love isn't blind.. it makes you dumb.

No.. not now.

Hi

I'm so far behind INDS yet, I can't really care. Have absolutely no idea why.

This weekend has been the craziest I've had in months.

1) Drinking on friday night
2) Made new friends
3) Continued drinking saturday morning
4) Tortured a guy.. seriously, tortured.
5) Crazy bitch mode on saturday afternoon-evening and was dead set on breaking up with that bitch
6) Screamed and started hitting him when I saw him in his room
7) Didn't break up
8) I am that lame
9) I still hate him

And, I don't like his new maid. Urgh, she actually ganged up with him to keep me from coming in. Oh wells. Good news are that I'm going to get my shoes and have popeyes for lunch.

Even if.

I know that maybe I'm a little too sensitive, a little too blunt, a little too paranoid and the list can go on but I also know that I'm only human and I deserve at the very least, some respect. But you.. the one who's the closest/dearest to me.. can't even respect me enough to tell me some basic things.. then.. honestly, I don't know. Is it too much to ask?

Lights will guide you home,
and ignite your bones,
and I will try to fix you.

/

I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”
— Shana Abé

Resolutions.

Okay, I know it's probably very late for resolutions but I just want to have them cause I think I'm really being a bitch to myself now. Plus my resolutions are like not that hard to achieve, I just need some discipline.

1) Learn the lyrics to Super Bass (hahaha I am so lame but I swear the song makes me happy)

2) Exercise more (I've got like 362 days to like exercise and don't tell me, I am so lazy that I can only exercise like once in 3 months?! Come on, I was soccer captain once. Don't be lazy please)

3) Learn to make myself happy (this is the most important shit ah, do whatever it takes, if clubbing makes me happy then go clubbing, if eating damn alot of bnjs makes me happy then go eat, if shopping makes me happy then go fucking shop.)

4) Go overseas alone (Need to be independent ah, seriously. Can't tahan myself being so scared + weak + lame already)

5) Learn to live for myself (don't think I need to explain this right?)

Okay I guess that's all. The comments in the bracket are all me scolding myself. Hahaha, how lame can I get? But seriously, I need to change already. How old liao?

Ideas.

I wanna go overseas to work and like just.. better myself after I graduate. Maybe just working in a coffee shop somewhere. Surround myself with new things, new ideas and new people. I think.. I need to. I've been too scared all my life to do anything, scared to talk to people, scared to do this, scared to do that. That's not the way to live.