Hihihi

So.. this post, the last of 2011, will be very rushed because I've got a busy day later on.

2011. Where do I start? Hmm.. Alright, in the beginning of the year, I found myself still trapped in my previous relationship and it was really hard for me to get back on my feet. But I've also found someone who helped me through it, someone who's a big part of my life right now, someone who was actually a big part of my life and the someone who, I think, was my biggest gain this year. I was mostly happy, and I still am.

But what's life without any shits happening right? This year I've also experience getting fired for the first time, surviving a 2 months long distance relationship (it's really hard), been lied to the first time, meeting old friends in the longest time, clubbing a little more often, going Phuket for the first time with love, attending my first cremation (RIP Q), mum being sick, driving for the first time, bought the most expensive Christmas present for love and making cards for Christmas and really enjoying it and I guess that's about it.

All in all, my new year's resolution is for myself to be happy, to take things in my stride and to accept whatever that is being thrown at me.

So.. I'm having my last lunch with the family later and a sleepover at my girl's crib. 2012, I'm ready for you.

Between the drinks and subtle things.

Reading all those blogs, make me wish I had their lives. To the extent of me typing this and crying because I'm so jealous. Right now, I'm in a ungrateful place. Somewhere that I just don't really appreciate all that I have in front of me and just keep wanting more. Trust me, I hate myself for this. I keep telling myself I deserve better and I know I do, but how much better is enough? Where is that line that defines how much you've actually deserve and how much is asking for too much, for going over your head and being selfish with your wants?

I'll just be entirely selfish and open and show you guys what I want.

I want a group of friends I can have spontaneous adventures with, just because planning your plans is just.. smart but boring at the same time and an adventure's not meant to be boring.
I want everybody who left to come back because I miss you all. (I've just burst into tears after I typed this because, I really miss them all)
I want someone who is willingly there for me, no matter what, because.. that's what everybody wants right?
I want to stop being so fucking weak and depend on only myself for happiness.
I want you to come home. Now.

Peace out.

I'll carry you home tonight.

A relationship ain't suppose to be like this.. is it? Try putting yourself in my shoes and see the things I found out everyday and tell me, would you have 100% trust in yourself?

I'll just try to put aside these feelings and make myself busy. Well, tomorrow's going to be a busy day. Movie date in the afternoon + popeyes for dinner :)

X'mas

Went ice skating with my aiai and her aiai and prassy. It's so fun but right now it's killing my left leg, probably because of the way I skate. Then thai food for dinner but nothing beats the Tom Yam in Phuket.

Got my Xmas text from the boy in the afternoon and I was really not expecting it. Ahhh, gosh, I miss him like crazy and it's only day 2. I still have a week more to go without him. Blah, guess I'm just going to sleep the feeling off.


Tonight we are young // So let's set the world on fire // We can burn brighter than the sun.

Eve

Michael Buble's Christmas covers on replay and coloring Christmas cards for my dear ones. I miss you my dear, I just want to lie in bed with you and do nothing.

:(

Okay he's gone. I can't believe I cried.

Update.

1) Out with Xinyi
2) Finally tried I love Taimei, and I really love their seaweed fries.
3) Christmas cookies which I'm not going to give anyone I think cause I'm so unhappy with the taste :/
4) A little chubby baby <3

Alright, am heading out for dinner with the family in a while. Gonna have steamboat tomorrow with Grandma and family ^^ and Sunday, might be ice skating (in the spirit of Christmas) and next Wednesday is JB with Grace and maybe clubbing at night (last ladies night ppl!) and I dont know already.

I'm going to miss you damn it.

/

From time to time you make my soul weary, then you patch it back with a kiss and a sorry. I will trust you one last time because it might be too much for me to handle. I am tired. Tired of your contradictions. Tired of searching for the truth in you. Sometimes i just want a break from you, but i don't have the courage to. I am used to only loving you.

Saw this on Sarah's tumblr and.. I love it.

No idea.

You have no idea.. how besides the fact that you're my boyfriend, you're the only one I'm close to.

On 31st of December.. I'm just going to bed at 11pm and try to sleep and just.. sleep my way through 1st January. Because I've gotta remind myself that it's no big deal that you aren't there. Just like Christmas.. I'm just going to sleep through it. It's no big deal even if you aren't there. It's no big deal.. It'll just be another day. Just like always.

/

Is it the unspoken rule to take everyone who's nice to you for granted?

My mistake, I didn't know that to be in love, you had to fight to have the upper hand.

Since I'm bored

I've done ABSOLUTELY nothing today but here I am, 9:37pm, feeling tired for no reason. I hate this.

Oh, I did, did something today. Coloured my Christmas cards and then, okay, this is quite funny. After putting in the cards into the handmade (!!) envelopes... after sealing them shut.. I totally didn't put any mark on which cards are in which envelopes. Ha ha ha, stupid me. But luckily, I coloured hard enough to see through my thin envelopes. :) Oh, today I was spy girl too. Other than that, the whole day was spent eating rubbish, surfing the net, taking a nap and well.. nothing.

So here are some pictures. (Taken with my lousy but beloved blackberry curve 9850)



Had Chilli's for late lunch/early dinner yesterday with him. I really hate the taste of alcohol and it made me act/feel funny afterward, but good service and food. :)


Chocolate muffins I've baked on Saturday :)

Bored thoughts.

I wish for an exciting life. Having spontaneous friends who will suggest a road trip every now and then. Sleepovers. Big cliques of friends and having tons of gatherings all the time. I know it'll be exhausting but at the same time, nothing beats that feeling of being together with a group of friends and just.. have fun.

I wish for an exciting life.

Oh, just remember this.

My fav song when I was at China is on playback one. If you ever come back - The Script. There's just something about it that.. sort of explains my life all the time. A bit sad though, right?

Anyways, bought my first birks.. but it wasn't for me. For him instead. A little heartpain but oh well, at least he's (quite) happy about it. :) That puts the end of my headache of what to get him! And at least I know I'll be getting something in return. Heh

Okay, I was thinking steamboat dinner with a group of friends somewhere during the Christmas. Yes, no? Pretty heartwarming and nice right? Hopefully, things won't fall through.

Sigh, the thought of being alone during Christmas. Somehow I can't really handle it.

Question..

How the fuck would you feel if someone was like "faster, I just want to faster go and faster go home."

WHAT THE FUCK.

p.s : it's just gonna make me EVEN slower.

A lil update

Feeling really bored because boyfriend has dumped me for fishing on a Saturday night but we're going out tomorrow so I'm really excited about that. But no high hopes because who knows? Plans might fall through.

Sigh, I'm feeling really alone nowadays because I kept thinking about how he's going to leave next Friday and only return back on Jan. I'm going to miss him so much, it's the freaking holidays and he ain't here. :(

I'm starting to daydream more about how my future would be, the things I would be doing when I'm married with my husband and all. I really just want to fast forward time to that period cause I'm so sick of being alone right now. :(

I wanna go overseas so badly, I'm so bored my life is so mundane.

Hi

Sorry everyone for all those emotional posts but on days where I don't blog about my feelings, I'm usually happy so.. yup. Guess the bad days are compensated with some happy days at least. Oh but today's an angry day, but it seems like I can't get angry with you. Good or bad? Oh well.

Anyways, it's the holidays! :) But it's going to be a lonely December starting from next friday and all the way until January comes. I dread.

You better run.

Horrible days followed by terrible nights, how can I stand it? Well, with many crys and a good friend who would just listen to me cry and offer her point of view, I think I managed to do quite fine.

I dreamt that I was still with you but I was cheating on you with * but I was happy. I get to have you, and my feelings well taken care of by *. I was really happy. But does this means, to be happy with you, I've gotta cheat? Because it seems to me that my feelings will always be a joke to you.

Of all the people I know who've talked about committing suicide.. I think I'm the only one who will actually do it.

Suicidal

Hi death, we meet again.

/ What is it that they say? Only way to go after you've hit rock bottom is up? I wish that was true because after all the rock bottom that I've hit, I'm still going down. This deep bottomless pit of misery. The only one who can save me has left and I can't do alone, I really can't.

You.

I love you forever and ever and always I love you

I have never been a big fan of words like forever and always because I know that the ugly truth is that feelings change and that's just scary, to be putting yourself out there just to carry on.

Spent a good 2 hours with him just talking. I really didn't expect myself to be caught in this situation. It was really horrible and one of the worst nights ever but at least I got to know what you're really thinking and.. I really don't know.

Sigh.. where's my fro-yo fix?

A

If you're fucking blasting fucking english songs then I won't fucking mind but you're fucking blasting your stupid fucking japanese anime and bullshits like you fucking coughing so fucking loud in my fucking direction then sorry, fuck you. I am so fucking angsty now I just hate japanese and korean it's fucking annoying i am so sorry for being so bias but i only listen to song that i can fucking understand and relate to.

Fuck today is not a good day.

/ Please teach me to see the good in everyone because sometimes it gets too blurry and I just want to throw a temper but no, I'm not 5 anymore.

Grateful

I'm feeling exceptionally grateful right now.

Grateful to my Dad for always buying home dinner for us, giving us money whenever we ask for it (for reasonable reasons okay?) and taking care of Mum at time like this.

Grateful to my Mum for still doing the housework despite her conditions and making meals for us whenever she can.

I sound like a spoilt brat now, yucks.

Oh yeah, and grateful to you for growing up. I love you my dear. Always will.

Fro-yo

Bought a huge tub (12oz) of fro-yo today and I'm really feeling happy. It's now left with 1/4 and I'm listening to 'Pumped Up Kicks' by Foster The People (go check it out everyone) and feeling really contented? Even though my bf likes to be an ass like erm.. all the time? But I'm happy.

Vicious rumors.

I urge everyone.. to see things base on things, and not the person doing it. We might have a certain image of a person, but the things they would do.. you'd be surprised.

Sigh, I am quite disappointed in the amount of things I've found out from the past 2 days and it doesn't get better. I only can pray for the best? Yup.

Am going to get my haircut tomorrow because all this long hair is becoming more of a burden and I still have no idea whether to get long bangs or not? We'll see. :)

Hmm, friday's the submission for our powerpoint for interim and I've yet to start on it. So that means I only have 5 days to complete it, and I still have to work within the 5 days so.. Goodluck to me.

Love

Despite that Nicki looks scary with light eyebrows, the models were so cute.

Life's been pretty.. hmm what's that word.. okay at the moment. Last Wednesday I stayed up till 6am to do stupid inds and slept till 8.30am then proceed on with my work and took a little nap after I've completed then went down to school to print more stuff. So compared to last Wednesday, I guess these days, life's been pretty good.

Oh and pizza's coming soon. :)

/ Argh, love all the shows. I love models.