Mishap

On friday, we'll fly off to Beijing and then next tuesday, we'll be flying back to Singapore! I really.. really.. can't fucking wait! Seeing everybody packing their stuff to ship back to SG makes me so excited but scared because I think my luggage will be overweight? Okay but who cares right now.

Anyways, just now while bathing, I was shaving my legs and... I shaved off part of my skin. It was so gross and painful and bloody and I never want to do that to myself ever again. Urgh so so so disgusting. :(

#11

I honestly can't wait to go back, because 2 months with some people really brings out the worst in us and I am quite irritated at this point.

Count to 10, take it in

x missing siew's visit to SG and
x sis' graduation ceremony and
x his mum's birthday
x finding out things that scared the shit outta me
x slowly running out of time to complete my EDS shit
x my vans caryn
x books at $4
x 12 more days till I'll be back
x black shatter with grey base
x gaining all this weight I'm afraid I can't lose
x having the urge to cry whenever I'm left alone
x the cute (!!!!!) thai butch in yes or no
x found the cheapest shrimp pretz

Even if you decide to give up on us, I don't mind, I don't mind. Because I don't deserve this, your love, I don't deserve it.

Favourite.

‎"I like to see people reunited, I like to see people run to each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can't tell fast enough, the ears that aren't big enough, the eyes that can't take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone." - Jonathan Safran Foer (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close)

But there's nothing I can do if you're giving up. Baby, we're just so close, 14 days, and you're just.. gonna give up?

Darkness

Damn it, the power totally tripped and now I'm typing this in total darkness.

We watched beastly just now and Alex Pettyfer is so hot but erm, the storyline totally sucked. Like seriously? It went so corny towards the end.

I guess tonight's the same. No talking to him on skype. Thanks dalian's electricity.

Good day

Ikea > Dorm > Food street > Graphic bookshop > Side gate > Dorm > Hm's room for her surprise.

Though after Ikea, everywhere we went is in school or beside school but seriously, this school is the size of jurong east to chinese garden, or maybe bigger. My legs/shoulders/back are aching like mad right now and all I want is a massage.

Dad got me my shoes and now I'm waiting for 2 pair of shorts, 1 pair of jeans together with 3 other bags to arrive then I'll stop shopping because the feeling of money gone from your wallet.. sucks.

17 more days.

/

Love/hate relationship with you. Yeah, the amount of love I have for you is equivalent to the amount of hate.

My boyfriend doesn't know

.that his words hurt me real bad sometimes
.that I don't know when he is joking
.and when he is not
.that I hate myself
.that in this foreign country, the last thing I need is his coldness (but that's the way he is, so fuck me.)

I'm in this mood where I want to cry because things are so bad but they are not really that bad because I don't exactly know what the problem is. I think I just miss him. But yeah, 20 more days. I can do this, we can do this.

Right now, I'm so inspired by models, just standing there looking pretty tall and skinny with the garments.

She said,

"if a guy texts you even in the club, then he's someone worth the keep"

and it made me realise, how much I want to keep you by my side. I don't ever want to lie to you, and I just want to be a better person for you. Believe me, I'm trying.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking of red/blue streaks in my hair?

/

I thought last night was going to be one of those nights where I can't even get to talk to you properly before heading to bed, and it was.

But when I woke up, I saw three texts from you.

And I couldn't be happier.

I love you smelly,
xo

Lose my mind

It just seems like you're doing all that you can to forget me while I'm doing everything I can to make you remember me. This push and pull effect, who the fuck will win?

On and on and on

I don't know I feel happy now, maybe it's because I'm eating my milo ice-cream (freaking big cup of it and it's only $1, and it makes me less homesick), or because I have a new pair of shorts waiting for me to collect, or because I finally got my subjects to shoot for my EDS, or maybe because I finally realize time is actually passing quite fast.

Or maybe because the boy finally fixed his mic in his laptop so I can finally hear his voice but I doubt he's ever speaking to me because he's "shy". Argh.

Anyways, life is good but I'd rather spend it in SG with him and my family. Think I can never study abroad anymore... but that's good.

Feelings

Why does it feel like I'm the only one trying? I seriously don't know what's your problem. You say you miss me, but when I ask you when you wanna talk to me, you never answer.

Arghhhhhhh how much I love you is how much I hate you.

/ wanna kill you now la.

Adapt.

From this remaining days that I'll be here, I'll try not to care about you.

Even though we're official, but whenever you're fucked up, I'm fucked up too.

And I don't want to be fucked up.

/ And how the fuck do you want me to believe that you truly love me, when ignoring me is all you're fucking doing now? Grow up.

Because

with you, I can put down my pride and I guess..

that's how much I love you. Because if it was another else, I wouldn't give a fucking damn. So please, meet me halfway.

How many times?

I hate nights like this when I go to bed, hating both you and me.

Never

Live chatting with our entrepreneurship lecturer via this application. It's quite fun!!

Okay, new specs later. Hehe ^^

I love you

but I hate this.

Between missing you and getting all this shits from you every now and then, I think it's the latter that will drive me crazy.

You.

"Relationships come with a lot of tribulations. We fight, we yell, we get jealous, we cry, we feel pain, we hurt, we scream, we get frustrated, we get angry, we get upset, we break up and our emotions take us over. So why do we do it? Why would we want to feel not just sad, but truly hurt, sad to the point where your whole body hurts just because of one person, sad to the point where you feel empty when everything falls apart, sad to the point where your heart aches for the company of that being. I’ll tell you why I do it, its because besides all those moments when your stupidity gets in the way of what your truly feeling and you “fight”, the moments when you are truly loving someone are the most touching, astounding, magnificent moments you will ever experience. When two people are just loving each other its magical. And to those of you who are to scared of getting hurt and too scared of the baggage that comes with relationships, let me tell you this, having someone you love and having them love you back is a feeling that you can not substitute. Having someone look at you with such a deep emotion is remarkable. Having someone touch with so much care brings a feeling of weightlessness throughout your whole body. Having someone whisper they love you feels like they screamed it. Having someone to hold your hand at all times just feels special. Having someone to be your best friend and be loyal to you and never lie to you feels so safe. So yeah, relationships suck, breaking up hurts, but having that someone that you feel so comfortable with, someone that you let inside your soul, someone that lets you inside theirs, someone to talk to at all hours during the day, someone to laugh with, someone to fall asleep with, having someone that is your other half for whatever amount of time you are together, is true beauty and I wouldn’t trade it for the world."