The carousel never stops turning.

I know I'm being stupid, wanting what I can't have just because I can't have it. It's a bad habit that I've been doing since young. It's the worst habit but I'm trying.

Trying to change and just be contented with what I have, not what I could have. Because could is not healthy, it's not realistic, it's not practical and it's definitely not helping.

So I'm trying. This might be the last post of 2015, and I had very high hopes for 2015. No boys, just career and work. I guess I sort of did it, worked the longest I could (6 months, not long by any standards, but still, long enough) and now, 5 months ongoing and I've still *not really* have had any thoughts of resigning. Just many many many thoughts of a long holiday on a beach, getting the sun and my booze. But still, not bad, if I could say so.

Not really a big fan of resolutions because you'll just end up breaking them and going back to your old habits, but I guess if there's a goal to work towards to in 2016, it'd be to be free. Of any inhibitions, any high expectations and of my own emotions. I'd like to be free, spiritually and physically. To feel that level of peacefulness in myself and not let my emotions be swayed by anything or anyone. I guess that's really the goal to my life.

Alright, 2016, I'm ready for you.

Vulnerable.

I wish someone could read my mind and know what I want, though I'd probably have to eat my words because being predictable is not something you'd actually want. But it's been too long being unheard and yeah, whatever.

Left my phone at the office... AGAIN. Dumbass.

/

Under a gigantic amount of stress from trying to be enough for everyone.