Raw Thoughts

I've always been wondering about the meaning of life for like 2 years now and up till date, I've been feeling the same. There's honestly no meaning. I've always feel that after you die, your thoughts, your memories, your everything cease to exist. So whatever you do right now, till you die, it won't be carried on in your mind or thoughts, all of it just exists because you feel good or right at that moment.

I'm not being cynical, or depressed but just, my raw, honest thoughts. I honestly feel that there's no meaning to living a fullest life because you can't remember any shit after you die. So everything I do now, is for this moment alone but most recently, I don't even see the point of doing anything. I'm guessing that's why I can't focus on something for long because I don't see the point.

The only reason why I don't end my life any sooner is because I'm a coward. I'm afraid of how upset my loved ones would feel and most importantly, how painful it would be no matter which way I choose to die. There's bound to be a slight moment of pain before you cease to feel and exist.

But how good it would be to just stop feeling, and cease to exist.

Different

My dear friend, if you are reading this, I miss you.

I miss being able to be comfortable with you regardless of any situations. I miss talking, whining, bitching to you about all my deepest secrets. I miss seeing you in the top of my whatsapp. I miss hanging out with you and just chilling with you. I miss your advices that you would give. I miss just being myself with you.

But I think this is just one sided. I'm sorry I was willful, rash and stupid. I'm sorry I can't move on.

Because I should.

Mayday

Currently obsessed with old school dramas like meteor garden (taiwan version of course), and old failures like how i still don't know what to do with my life.