Hope's all you need to destroy yourself

With you

2012-02-12T18:44:00.000+08:00

You're teaching me to be heartless, and I don't like it. I can't stand it. Really.

/

2012-02-11T18:07:00.001+08:00

Most of the time, I just want to.. fast forward my life to the part where everything is just settling down fine, where everything is perfectly alright, that part where you know everything is just.. right. Yeah, bring me there.

/

2012-02-07T02:00:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, I feel like Emma Morley, except that instead of having my Dexter Mayhew, I'd just get mayhem.

Oh well, but I think.. I think, I am much better now. You just got to ease your heart and learn to love yourself, be a little selfish, spend a little more on yourself and yeah, that's how you heal.

Slowly.

2012-02-04T23:57:00.001+08:00

I lost myself, to you. Now I have to find me, for me.

Slowly realizing that losing you might just be the best thing that happened so far. And I'm not kidding.

Forget.

2012-01-30T16:15:00.002+08:00

There's no such thing as moving on, letting on and forgetting. There's only accepting the truth and changing.

The best way not to get heartbroken is pretend you don't have a heart.

Oh dear

2012-01-28T00:45:00.001+08:00

Aren't you old enough to figure out that sometimes.. words are just.. words?

/

2012-01-25T14:33:00.002+08:00

Cry cry cry, you useless piece of shit, all you can do is fucking cry.

/ It's not the kind of sadness to where you cry all the time, but more of like the sadness that overwhelms your entire body, leaving your heart aching and your stomach empty. Making you feel weak and tired. And yet you can't even sleep cause the sadness is in your dreams too. It's almost a sadness you can't escape.

Breathe.

2012-01-25T14:17:00.002+08:00

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

/ In all honestly, I'm not exaggerating.

Time.

2012-01-20T12:27:00.001+08:00

All I need now is time, time for myself, time to forget the bad and even the good, because that's what will kill me and yeah, time to heal.

Thank you for those who are still here. You don't know how much I love you.

Better yourself.

2012-01-19T20:55:00.002+08:00

Slowly, try to let go.
Slowly, try to move on.
Slowly.. try to make progress and be the best of you there is, be the you who can make you happy, be the you who you love the most, just be more of you. Once, you're happy with that, I'm sure somebody out there will be too.

Anyways, on a side note. I might be working at Avalon soon. I need to be stronger, tougher and meet new people.

p.s/ i love you

/

2012-01-15T23:55:00.001+08:00

Back where I started. Great, just great.

Them.

2012-01-13T19:23:00.002+08:00

"Expect the worst"

"Change yourself"

"Don't be stupid"

"You're not thinking straight"

Bottom line is, he's not good for me. Even though he taught me how to forgive, and say sorry to the people that I still want in my life, even though he was the one who was there when I was scared, even though he was the one who instilled courage into my life.

Despite it all, I can't be with him if the only thing that happened in this relationship is him falling out of love with me.

Life's unfair but I think I'm finally out of tears.

Erm

2012-01-12T19:16:00.003+08:00

I'm the stupidest fuck I've ever met. Swear. Did things that I never expected myself to do and I really don't know what I'm doing and why I'm doing all this. If it's in the name of love then I guess love isn't blind.. it makes you dumb.

2012-01-09T20:54:00.001+08:00

No.. not now.

Hi

2012-01-08T12:25:00.002+08:00

I'm so far behind INDS yet, I can't really care. Have absolutely no idea why.

This weekend has been the craziest I've had in months.

1) Drinking on friday night
2) Made new friends
3) Continued drinking saturday morning
4) Tortured a guy.. seriously, tortured.
5) Crazy bitch mode on saturday afternoon-evening and was dead set on breaking up with that bitch
6) Screamed and started hitting him when I saw him in his room
7) Didn't break up
8) I am that lame
9) I still hate him

And, I don't like his new maid. Urgh, she actually ganged up with him to keep me from coming in. Oh wells. Good news are that I'm going to get my shoes and have popeyes for lunch.

Even if.

2012-01-05T23:46:00.002+08:00

I know that maybe I'm a little too sensitive, a little too blunt, a little too paranoid and the list can go on but I also know that I'm only human and I deserve at the very least, some respect. But you.. the one who's the closest/dearest to me.. can't even respect me enough to tell me some basic things.. then.. honestly, I don't know. Is it too much to ask?

Lights will guide you home,
and ignite your bones,
and I will try to fix you.

/

2012-01-03T17:04:00.000+08:00

I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”
— Shana Abé

Resolutions.

2012-01-03T15:37:00.003+08:00

Okay, I know it's probably very late for resolutions but I just want to have them cause I think I'm really being a bitch to myself now. Plus my resolutions are like not that hard to achieve, I just need some discipline.

1) Learn the lyrics to Super Bass (hahaha I am so lame but I swear the song makes me happy)

2) Exercise more (I've got like 362 days to like exercise and don't tell me, I am so lazy that I can only exercise like once in 3 months?! Come on, I was soccer captain once. Don't be lazy please)

3) Learn to make myself happy (this is the most important shit ah, do whatever it takes, if clubbing makes me happy then go clubbing, if eating damn alot of bnjs makes me happy then go eat, if shopping makes me happy then go fucking shop.)

4) Go overseas alone (Need to be independent ah, seriously. Can't tahan myself being so scared + weak + lame already)

5) Learn to live for myself (don't think I need to explain this right?)

Okay I guess that's all. The comments in the bracket are all me scolding myself. Hahaha, how lame can I get? But seriously, I need to change already. How old liao?

Ideas.

2012-01-03T14:49:00.001+08:00

I wanna go overseas to work and like just.. better myself after I graduate. Maybe just working in a coffee shop somewhere. Surround myself with new things, new ideas and new people. I think.. I need to. I've been too scared all my life to do anything, scared to talk to people, scared to do this, scared to do that. That's not the way to live.

Hihihi

2011-12-31T11:03:00.002+08:00

So.. this post, the last of 2011, will be very rushed because I've got a busy day later on.

2011. Where do I start? Hmm.. Alright, in the beginning of the year, I found myself still trapped in my previous relationship and it was really hard for me to get back on my feet. But I've also found someone who helped me through it, someone who's a big part of my life right now, someone who was actually a big part of my life and the someone who, I think, was my biggest gain this year. I was mostly happy, and I still am.

But what's life without any shits happening right? This year I've also experience getting fired for the first time, surviving a 2 months long distance relationship (it's really hard), been lied to the first time, meeting old friends in the longest time, clubbing a little more often, going Phuket for the first time with love, attending my first cremation (RIP Q), mum being sick, driving for the first time, bought the most expensive Christmas present for love and making cards for Christmas and really enjoying it and I guess that's about it.

All in all, my new year's resolution is for myself to be happy, to take things in my stride and to accept whatever that is being thrown at me.

So.. I'm having my last lunch with the family later and a sleepover at my girl's crib. 2012, I'm ready for you.

Between the drinks and subtle things.

2011-12-29T14:30:00.003+08:00

Reading all those blogs, make me wish I had their lives. To the extent of me typing this and crying because I'm so jealous. Right now, I'm in a ungrateful place. Somewhere that I just don't really appreciate all that I have in front of me and just keep wanting more. Trust me, I hate myself for this. I keep telling myself I deserve better and I know I do, but how much better is enough? Where is that line that defines how much you've actually deserve and how much is asking for too much, for going over your head and being selfish with your wants?

I'll just be entirely selfish and open and show you guys what I want.

I want a group of friends I can have spontaneous adventures with, just because planning your plans is just.. smart but boring at the same time and an adventure's not meant to be boring.
I want everybody who left to come back because I miss you all. (I've just burst into tears after I typed this because, I really miss them all)
I want someone who is willingly there for me, no matter what, because.. that's what everybody wants right?
I want to stop being so fucking weak and depend on only myself for happiness.
I want you to come home. Now.

Peace out.

I'll carry you home tonight.

2011-12-27T02:19:00.002+08:00

A relationship ain't suppose to be like this.. is it? Try putting yourself in my shoes and see the things I found out everyday and tell me, would you have 100% trust in yourself?

I'll just try to put aside these feelings and make myself busy. Well, tomorrow's going to be a busy day. Movie date in the afternoon + popeyes for dinner :)

X'mas

2011-12-26T00:55:00.002+08:00

Went ice skating with my aiai and her aiai and prassy. It's so fun but right now it's killing my left leg, probably because of the way I skate. Then thai food for dinner but nothing beats the Tom Yam in Phuket.

Got my Xmas text from the boy in the afternoon and I was really not expecting it. Ahhh, gosh, I miss him like crazy and it's only day 2. I still have a week more to go without him. Blah, guess I'm just going to sleep the feeling off.

Tonight we are young // So let's set the world on fire // We can burn brighter than the sun.

Eve

2011-12-24T18:28:00.002+08:00

Michael Buble's Christmas covers on replay and coloring Christmas cards for my dear ones. I miss you my dear, I just want to lie in bed with you and do nothing.

:(

2011-12-24T01:19:00.001+08:00

Okay he's gone. I can't believe I cried.

Update.

2011-12-23T16:39:00.001+08:00

1) Out with Xinyi
2) Finally tried I love Taimei, and I really love their seaweed fries.
3) Christmas cookies which I'm not going to give anyone I think cause I'm so unhappy with the taste :/
4) A little chubby baby <3

Alright, am heading out for dinner with the family in a while. Gonna have steamboat tomorrow with Grandma and family ^^ and Sunday, might be ice skating (in the spirit of Christmas) and next Wednesday is JB with Grace and maybe clubbing at night (last ladies night ppl!) and I dont know already.

I'm going to miss you damn it.

/

2011-12-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

From time to time you make my soul weary, then you patch it back with a kiss and a sorry. I will trust you one last time because it might be too much for me to handle. I am tired. Tired of your contradictions. Tired of searching for the truth in you. Sometimes i just want a break from you, but i don't have the courage to. I am used to only loving you.

Saw this on Sarah's tumblr and.. I love it.

No idea.

2011-12-21T23:39:00.002+08:00

You have no idea.. how besides the fact that you're my boyfriend, you're the only one I'm close to.

On 31st of December.. I'm just going to bed at 11pm and try to sleep and just.. sleep my way through 1st January. Because I've gotta remind myself that it's no big deal that you aren't there. Just like Christmas.. I'm just going to sleep through it. It's no big deal even if you aren't there. It's no big deal.. It'll just be another day. Just like always.

/

2011-12-20T12:59:00.000+08:00

Is it the unspoken rule to take everyone who's nice to you for granted?

My mistake, I didn't know that to be in love, you had to fight to have the upper hand.

Since I'm bored

2011-12-19T21:36:00.003+08:00

I've done ABSOLUTELY nothing today but here I am, 9:37pm, feeling tired for no reason. I hate this.

Oh, I did, did something today. Coloured my Christmas cards and then, okay, this is quite funny. After putting in the cards into the handmade (!!) envelopes... after sealing them shut.. I totally didn't put any mark on which cards are in which envelopes. Ha ha ha, stupid me. But luckily, I coloured hard enough to see through my thin envelopes. :) Oh, today I was spy girl too. Other than that, the whole day was spent eating rubbish, surfing the net, taking a nap and well.. nothing.

So here are some pictures. (Taken with my lousy but beloved blackberry curve 9850)

Had Chilli's for late lunch/early dinner yesterday with him. I really hate the taste of alcohol and it made me act/feel funny afterward, but good service and food. :)

Chocolate muffins I've baked on Saturday :)

Bored thoughts.

2011-12-19T12:06:00.002+08:00

I wish for an exciting life. Having spontaneous friends who will suggest a road trip every now and then. Sleepovers. Big cliques of friends and having tons of gatherings all the time. I know it'll be exhausting but at the same time, nothing beats that feeling of being together with a group of friends and just.. have fun.

I wish for an exciting life.

Oh, just remember this.

2011-12-19T11:29:00.002+08:00

My fav song when I was at China is on playback one. If you ever come back - The Script. There's just something about it that.. sort of explains my life all the time. A bit sad though, right?

Anyways, bought my first birks.. but it wasn't for me. For him instead. A little heartpain but oh well, at least he's (quite) happy about it. :) That puts the end of my headache of what to get him! And at least I know I'll be getting something in return. Heh

Okay, I was thinking steamboat dinner with a group of friends somewhere during the Christmas. Yes, no? Pretty heartwarming and nice right? Hopefully, things won't fall through.

Sigh, the thought of being alone during Christmas. Somehow I can't really handle it.

Question..

2011-12-18T13:23:00.000+08:00

How the fuck would you feel if someone was like "faster, I just want to faster go and faster go home."

WHAT THE FUCK.

p.s : it's just gonna make me EVEN slower.

A lil update

2011-12-17T23:47:00.002+08:00

Feeling really bored because boyfriend has dumped me for fishing on a Saturday night but we're going out tomorrow so I'm really excited about that. But no high hopes because who knows? Plans might fall through.

Sigh, I'm feeling really alone nowadays because I kept thinking about how he's going to leave next Friday and only return back on Jan. I'm going to miss him so much, it's the freaking holidays and he ain't here. :(

I'm starting to daydream more about how my future would be, the things I would be doing when I'm married with my husband and all. I really just want to fast forward time to that period cause I'm so sick of being alone right now. :(

I wanna go overseas so badly, I'm so bored my life is so mundane.

Hi

2011-12-16T19:01:00.002+08:00

Sorry everyone for all those emotional posts but on days where I don't blog about my feelings, I'm usually happy so.. yup. Guess the bad days are compensated with some happy days at least. Oh but today's an angry day, but it seems like I can't get angry with you. Good or bad? Oh well.

Anyways, it's the holidays! :) But it's going to be a lonely December starting from next friday and all the way until January comes. I dread.

You better run.

2011-12-12T09:41:00.002+08:00

Horrible days followed by terrible nights, how can I stand it? Well, with many crys and a good friend who would just listen to me cry and offer her point of view, I think I managed to do quite fine.

I dreamt that I was still with you but I was cheating on you with * but I was happy. I get to have you, and my feelings well taken care of by *. I was really happy. But does this means, to be happy with you, I've gotta cheat? Because it seems to me that my feelings will always be a joke to you.

2011-12-11T23:54:00.001+08:00

Of all the people I know who've talked about committing suicide.. I think I'm the only one who will actually do it.

Suicidal

2011-12-11T13:05:00.001+08:00

Hi death, we meet again.

/ What is it that they say? Only way to go after you've hit rock bottom is up? I wish that was true because after all the rock bottom that I've hit, I'm still going down. This deep bottomless pit of misery. The only one who can save me has left and I can't do alone, I really can't.

You.

2011-12-10T17:39:00.002+08:00

I love you forever and ever and always I love you

I have never been a big fan of words like forever and always because I know that the ugly truth is that feelings change and that's just scary, to be putting yourself out there just to carry on.

Spent a good 2 hours with him just talking. I really didn't expect myself to be caught in this situation. It was really horrible and one of the worst nights ever but at least I got to know what you're really thinking and.. I really don't know.

Sigh.. where's my fro-yo fix?

A

2011-12-08T19:50:00.004+08:00

If you're fucking blasting fucking english songs then I won't fucking mind but you're fucking blasting your stupid fucking japanese anime and bullshits like you fucking coughing so fucking loud in my fucking direction then sorry, fuck you. I am so fucking angsty now I just hate japanese and korean it's fucking annoying i am so sorry for being so bias but i only listen to song that i can fucking understand and relate to.

Fuck today is not a good day.

/ Please teach me to see the good in everyone because sometimes it gets too blurry and I just want to throw a temper but no, I'm not 5 anymore.

Grateful

2011-12-07T21:48:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling exceptionally grateful right now.

Grateful to my Dad for always buying home dinner for us, giving us money whenever we ask for it (for reasonable reasons okay?) and taking care of Mum at time like this.

Grateful to my Mum for still doing the housework despite her conditions and making meals for us whenever she can.

I sound like a spoilt brat now, yucks.

Oh yeah, and grateful to you for growing up. I love you my dear. Always will.

Fro-yo

2011-12-05T21:25:00.003+08:00

Bought a huge tub (12oz) of fro-yo today and I'm really feeling happy. It's now left with 1/4 and I'm listening to 'Pumped Up Kicks' by Foster The People (go check it out everyone) and feeling really contented? Even though my bf likes to be an ass like erm.. all the time? But I'm happy.

Vicious rumors.

2011-12-04T22:04:00.002+08:00

I urge everyone.. to see things base on things, and not the person doing it. We might have a certain image of a person, but the things they would do.. you'd be surprised.

Sigh, I am quite disappointed in the amount of things I've found out from the past 2 days and it doesn't get better. I only can pray for the best? Yup.

Am going to get my haircut tomorrow because all this long hair is becoming more of a burden and I still have no idea whether to get long bangs or not? We'll see. :)

Hmm, friday's the submission for our powerpoint for interim and I've yet to start on it. So that means I only have 5 days to complete it, and I still have to work within the 5 days so.. Goodluck to me.

Love

2011-12-04T18:16:00.001+08:00

Despite that Nicki looks scary with light eyebrows, the models were so cute.

Life's been pretty.. hmm what's that word.. okay at the moment. Last Wednesday I stayed up till 6am to do stupid inds and slept till 8.30am then proceed on with my work and took a little nap after I've completed then went down to school to print more stuff. So compared to last Wednesday, I guess these days, life's been pretty good.

Oh and pizza's coming soon. :)

/ Argh, love all the shows. I love models.

Accept

2011-11-30T18:40:00.002+08:00

I must accept the fact that nobody is like me, and that love works in many ways. Just because someone doesn't agree with you or go along with you doesn't mean they don't love you. It just means they're being a bitch or they just can't give in. I must accept it. I must accept it. It is really for my own good.

I came to sp, with the thoughts of you haunting me so badly that I break down every night, trying to find a reason for myself to be feeling like this, trying to let you go because it really has been too long. And now, it's just a couple of months to graduation and fuck, please don't fucking let me graduate with those thoughts haunting me. This would just means I'm back to square 1 and I think it's clear to everyone that square fucking 1 just sucks.

Yes I can.

2011-11-30T11:23:00.001+08:00

I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds I can finish my inds

#whoamikidding

Been 2 years since I've let you go.

2011-11-28T21:03:00.002+08:00

I've had two choices today. To get mad/heartbroken and question you the moment you wake up, or to stay nonchalant and just ask you out. I'm so glad I made the right one cause I'm so happy now. :3

Bali

2011-11-27T23:36:00.002+08:00

Maybe I'll sit by the beach and catch a tan. Or read a book and enjoy the sea breeze. Maybe I'll meet up with a friend and hang out at the mall. Or have a drink or two or maybe three in the bar. Maybe I'll walk around town and take pictures of everything I see. Or just sit in my room and take a nap.

I just want to find myself again.

Fingers crossed.

2011-11-27T21:44:00.002+08:00

Ah, tonight. I can think of 5 reasons why I should have my own room.

1. I want to sing along to my songs without letting anyone hear me
2. I would totally change my room layout to something that's easier for me to do my work
3. I want my privacy
4. So I can have sleepovers ^^
5. I'm old enough to?

I love you puggy, do not fail me now.

Stagnant.

2011-11-27T14:34:00.003+08:00

If there's a word that describes me, it'll be stagnant. I'm not hurt like how I would be last time but I ain't happy either. I've been talking to a lot of different people lately, just getting to know what they think and I've been opened up to many different opinions. Yet the only one that matters is mine, and the only one I need to know is yours.

Guess I'm just waiting for the last straw.

/ What am I doing really?

/

2011-11-26T13:18:00.002+08:00

From today onwards, I'm going to focus on what makes me happy and fuck everything that doesn't. Isn't this what life's about? I might love you, so I've got all the patience in the world for ya, but I ain't saint I can't be here forever for someone who's not afraid for me to leave.

Might be holding your hand but I'm holding it loose.

Crazier.

2011-11-26T11:40:00.002+08:00

See? In the end, nothing will change. You'll still be the same and I'll still be at the losing end. Hmm, time to wise up. :) And and and, the things that I did are probably worst than what you did so this is my retribution I guess. #ohwell

Relieved.

2011-11-25T10:23:00.002+08:00

You told me how it felt and that's all I need. No hopes on it though because well, I've been done that road before.

/ Reading sad tweets from my broken-hearted girlfriends on twitter just makes me want to talk to each and every of them, comfort them and give them advice that I won't take.

Next time.

2011-11-24T09:40:00.003+08:00

This taiwan bulldog we met at pet's lover at vivocity. :)

Awesome, I'm gonna have a lot of ugly dogs in the future. The uglier the better, something alone the line of french bulldogs and little white pugs. Just so damn adorable!

Fast forward?

2011-11-21T22:17:00.003+08:00

I can't wait to grow up and have my little baby and just stay at home and not have anything to worry about. Am going to be selfish and let my husband work. Or marry someone rich, someone who can and will provide for me, someone who will be faithful and understanding and loving.

Right now, I don't think that someone can be you.

/

And a little something to how I feel.

I realize my problem isn't what they've done, but instead that they have the ability to do so. I am extremely controlling when it comes to my emotions and my relationships. Everything is a choice, every statement is an option, and every action has a reaction- all of which I analyze before making any form of assertion. Any words I say are true, any emotion I express is real, and anyone I spend time with I care about. I put extreme effort into each and every relationship I have, so I am extremely offended when the same care is not given back to me. It's a sign of true nonchalance, a display of indifference so belittling because I wasn't even worth a moment to consider how it could hurt.

What I feel.

2011-11-15T17:09:00.000+08:00

I feel like I've not completely healed and I feel like I'm cheating you.

I feel like leaving but I feel that I'm stucked.

But most importantly, it's not about what I feel anymore.

/

2011-11-15T12:02:00.002+08:00

So cheena, but yeah.

2011-11-14T23:09:00.000+08:00

The only reason we hold back, is because we think we have an endless amount of chances or that there will always be one more. But as time disappears into the past and life goes on, those chances will run out, and you’ll either live with eternal happiness for being brave, or eternal regret for holding back.

I have died everyday

2011-11-14T17:40:00.001+08:00

Everyone go listen to 'A thousand years' by christina perri. Go go go!

I love the rain, plus with the song, I just feel quite happy. I don't know why but my back's aching after my nap and I feel quite cranky but at the same time I'm quite happy?

Skinny love

2011-11-12T21:14:00.002+08:00

Even though I want you to treat me better, just a tiny bit.
Even though I want you to tell me how you feel, instead of ignoring me.
Even though I want you to show some care and concern, so I'd feel a little more secure.
Despite all those, I don't mind saying sorry first. Because I know you mean more than my stupid ego. One thing I know is that my faith's running low but do you?

Throw a little salt, we were never here

Embrace

2011-11-12T01:37:00.000+08:00

Met up with my old buddy today and went to ikea for dinner. Totally ordered too much but oh well ^^ bought my present for him and wooo, I can't wait for Sunday. 8th 8th 8th, with so many more to come. :)

Gotta love what you have.

Jealousy

2011-11-10T11:00:00.001+08:00

I stared at her pictures, till her features go all wrong and she turns real ugly. And then I realise my jealousy's all for nothing.

But then again, I'm always wrong.

/ There are some things which you have to figure out yourself. No point saying, you just gotta realise.

Mystery

2011-11-08T22:26:00.002+08:00

They don't understand why I love you

I don't blame them, I don't know either.

All I know is that when I'm not with you, I wanna be with you.

But it seems like love conquers all is just another.. string of words put together so nicely.

Yet again

2011-11-07T22:42:00.000+08:00

Everytime I'm stressed out or just very worried, I'd bite my nails, pick on them till it hurts.

Sigh, ugly nails.

Trust me

2011-11-06T14:10:00.003+08:00

I know.. I know how you feel. Head vs heart.

But we're different because my heart's winning.

/ and it hurts for me. whereas for you, you don't give a shit

// I really can't do this anymore. I just wish I could say it

Proper update.

2011-11-04T18:20:00.004+08:00

Really quite shocked at the amount of views I've gotten. Hmm, hahaha. Okay whatever.

I want to watch one day
I want my tomyam soup
I want to stuff myself with Ben and Jerry

Thank you for the dozen of homemade muffins, it's delicious. I'm so sorry I can't return your love. Inter-racial r/s just don't roll with me.

/ here comes the tears. I prayed for my family member's health all the time, but you always fail me. I can ignore the pain on love, but family.. that's rough.

// because i've always felt like if someone have to get hurt, i'd rather it happen on me. here comes the breakdown.

/

2011-11-04T11:11:00.000+08:00

I really don't know what's wrong, whether it's me, or it's you. But I really don't want to play the blame game. I just want this to work out.

#justsaying

2011-11-04T10:53:00.000+08:00

If we ever break up, it would be me trying too hard and you not trying enough.

Waiting for the last straw.

2011-10-29T23:20:00.002+08:00

I'm a good girl. I don't smoke, I don't gamble and my only vice would probably be biting my nails. I really deserve.. better. Not even good. Better. So yeah, guess I'm just waiting for the last straw :)

And Desaru was probably the worst holiday ever. 2 days would have been enough.. 3? Too long, too boring.

Till they fall down, down, down.

2011-10-24T21:18:00.003+08:00

I don't know what to say, all I know is right now I don't look forward to 25 oct. Just want it to pass by like a normal day, just want to stone at home and eat all my comfort food and be fat for a day.

I know I can't expect much and I'm really not expecting anything at all. But I just want you to be nice to me for a day.. can?

Sigh, if you keep this up, well, yeah.

Okay I'm going to be 19 in a few more hours and like, if I have 19 wishes, I'd spend 18 of them on my mama's health and the last one is for you to be nice to me for just one fucking day.

xx

My goal.

2011-10-23T18:42:00.000+08:00

19 cards.

2011-10-23T01:40:00.001+08:00

Oh how things change. Just don't give up, not just yet.

Last year.

2011-10-21T12:01:00.002+08:00

2010 consisted of you and taylor swift's songs.

I want you to be happy, I want you to achieve great things, I want you to do what's best for you, I want the best for you,

and I wanted to love you.

Here's to silence that cuts me to the core

Just know.

2011-08-05T15:05:00.001+08:00

Empty vessels make the most noise.

:)

2011-08-04T19:12:00.000+08:00

There are no black and white, often just shades of grey.

2011-08-02T01:07:00.002+08:00

Deleted the previous post because I don't want to have anything to do with this anymore though I'm inside. But I'm tired of answering to people. You can think I'm lame blah blah blah, I don't really give a fuck. You live your life, I live mine. That's that.

Swear.

2011-07-31T23:34:00.002+08:00

If you're smart enough, you'd have known that there's nothing good staying friends with me. Honestly speaking, so just fuc.. yeah you know.

Madrush.

2011-07-30T23:56:00.002+08:00

That's how I foresee next week would be. :(

Anyways, went to see a private property today. It's seriously damn awesome, big space and all but the location's sucky. Like at upper thompson. Unless I can drive, otherwise I doubt I'll be staying anywhere near there.

Ah I want my own ice cream maker, that way I can have my ice cream 24/7. ^^ I can imagine myself making so many flavours, plus getting those mix-ins. Wah, shiok.

1

2011-07-29T23:20:00.001+08:00

I miss soccer.

But honestly, I just miss playing soccer with that bunch of people which is about 4/5 years ago.

^^

2011-07-29T11:19:00.003+08:00

Had fish and co yesterday in celebration of him getting his license! Then bb gave me a ride home yesterday cause he got his license. Yay finally ^^

So later I'm heading out for chilli crabs at westcoast then sushi for tomorrow. :)

If I die young

2011-07-25T20:43:00.002+08:00

I really don't mind dying young. I don't mind it at all. But they always say.. you've got a whole life ahead of you, a beautiful life, a happy one. But no one can guarantee that the rest of your life would be smooth sailing and happy and promising and all that positive words that you might want to use. Nobody. Nobody can be sure that you might develop some kind of terminal disease when you're older and be suffering and in pain 24/7.

So yes, I don't mind dying young.

Just food for thought.

Who do you think you are

2011-07-25T00:20:00.002+08:00

We're all the same. All so fake. So let me just end everything here. No point holding on or letting go because we all know what's going to happen.

Soccer on Saturday to celebrate coach's belated birthday. I miss soccer so damn much and it's so sad to say my body's not that tough anymore. My boots was this close to falling apart and I only can rely on tape now. :(

For the first time, I finally felt that my eds is making progress but I'm so scared the lecturers won't like my stuff. So hard.

Just tonight.

2011-07-22T00:16:00.002+08:00

I want to take a knife and stab it at your fucking face

and yours
and yours
and yours
and
yours.

Oh hi Mr Percy

2011-07-20T23:56:00.002+08:00

Thankful.

2011-07-19T16:35:00.003+08:00

I've just finished re-watching Time Traveler's Wife and I'm so thankful that nobody I love experience problems like that. Seriously. Like so thankful that they're all healthy and we can have small fights that doesn't really mean anything in the end and at the end of the day, they'll still be there when I need them.

So thankful that you're you and I'm me and yeah.

/ Oh, have you ever dislike anyone so much that you want them to disappear from your life? I have. Right now. Want them to just disappear. I'll be so eternally thankful for that. :')

#1

2011-07-19T00:49:00.000+08:00

All I want to do right now, is grow old with you.

Because it really seems like I'm only happy around you.

Hypocritamus.

2011-07-16T22:00:00.005+08:00

Well well well, I'm just glad that one of your face is happy with her face.

/ I wonder if you even knew what you did. If things are none of your business then I suggest you stay out of it. 20 years of living and you haven't learn that? I regret all that I've done for you. Planning a surprise that was so successful that you cried. I'd take that back if I knew what I had coming for mine. To be honest, it really sucks. To put in effort for someone and in return you get back shit. Fuck thought that counts. It doesn't really count as much. It just shows how much you cared. And I can't even get an apology from you? Haha, stupid fuck. Yeah you're a stupid fuck.

No, I'm not overreacting because I just feel fake friends should just be eliminated from your life because well, you know, just quoting from a famous song, "no time for losers"

For now.

2011-07-16T00:05:00.000+08:00

I want like cuter bikinis. Or maybe like, I need a plain black swimming bottom so I can match that h&m bikini top from China. Damn it, but if I swim too much, I'll get tanner and my concealer will be useless. Hmmm

/

2011-07-13T10:41:00.002+08:00

I just a little under appreciated.

Okay, who am I kidding?

Maybe a whole lot.

///// Maybe I'll just always be another name to your fb account.

Schedule.

2011-07-11T19:41:00.002+08:00

Morning - Eat primrose oil pills
Night - 100 crunches + apply that oil thingy on your scars

Just in case I forget.

Sunday night.

2011-07-11T11:21:00.002+08:00

Went to Faith's 45th Birthday dinner yesterday and our parents met for the first time. People's parents usually meet each other maybe after, erm 8-12 months? But us? Within less than 4 months, they meet. But all's good because I think they genuinely like each other. :)

Okay, fun's over. Need to chiong my eds now and vda. Super super super overdue.

Birthdays

2011-07-09T23:38:00.002+08:00

Let's just say, a birthday can make you realize who your true friends are and yeah, don't expect me to do ~~much~~ anything.

I'm so sorry that I'm not the least sorry.

Right now.

2011-07-05T20:41:00.002+08:00

“You’re a good man. You are handsome and kind and smart and good but you’re perfect, but, um, I’m, busy, holding myself together with tape and glue, and a piece of me wishes that you hadn’t played golf then you’d be all taped and glued too and maybe you’d be where I am. You’re too much for me right now because I’m busy with the tape and the glue.”

This is so, true.

/ Maybe I'm just not good enough for you, maybe I just don't deserve you.. maybe you could do so much better.

// Daddy increased our allowance to $50/week and I don't really think I'm worth that much.

/// All that self-loath and hatred. Too much for tonight.

Slacker/Me

2011-07-04T22:34:00.002+08:00

When I say I like to stay at home, I swear I'm totally serious. I can stay home 24/7, 7 days a week and who knows, maybe forever. I just hate going out and shit, I'd rather cook for myself and stay at home.

Anyways, I pray to God that he'll bless me with speed and motivation for eds. I am changing my topic. So like.. we had 2 months? to do our eds but since I'm changing it right now, I only have 5 weeks left to complete. Champion. But Sarah haven't even approve.

/ Oh I just signed up for 10km marathon. Wth.

Shadows.

2011-07-02T23:14:00.000+08:00

they hide the details // they leave you wondering.

Ifs.

2011-07-02T13:57:00.001+08:00

If we didn't start/end that way 5 years ago, then maybe it wouldn't be like this right now.

/

2011-06-27T23:36:00.003+08:00

Bored and he's asleep and I can't sleep until my phone's fully charged. :( OH yeah, today I'm happy because I met my aisyah and my jill and got my pretty nuabs and my pretty shorts and shit, I want those two pairs of steve madden's and one pair of new look. I am so dead, I didn't even know I like shoes that much.

Okay, I'm out.

No more.

2011-06-27T23:25:00.001+08:00

I had to explain how I got those scars on my legs four times today (or maybe more). This shop uncle even asked if I went to war.

I really hate them, ugly stupid scars.

So freaking ugly.

Breakdown.

2011-06-25T02:49:00.001+08:00

Sometimes when I get so mad at you, and I can't even explain myself, that's when I #breakdown.

Want 2.

2011-06-22T00:00:00.003+08:00

i want my old body back so much that
i want to cry.
i'm just a fat fuck right now.
Fuck.
(Tonight is self pity night, tonight is so bad, tonight is horrible, tonight i just want you here beside me but i'll never tell you how bad tonight was because that's who i am)